The Strangest Conversation I've Heard in Some Time...

I have not blogged for over a year.  I am blogging now.  Things change.

I was standing in line at the bank the other morning contemplating how any business could have more than ten customers and no one to serve them when I heard the following conversation.  It was occurring between the young man, or "dude," standing in front of me and the young man, or "dude," standing behind me.  I formed the mute pastrami in their conversandwich, and I was thickly breaded with the following:

(All names have been change to protect the innocent.)

Dude: Hey man, how is it today?

Dude 2: Aw man, it is out the door.  It's been that way since we opened.

Dude: Busy?

Dude 2: Well,  it was busy to begin with, but then Cheryl and Mike didn't show up, so now it's extra busy.

Aha!  They're talking about work!  But where?  Judging by the way they dress, I would assume it is some kind of music store that caters to incredibly hip lumberjacks.  The game is afoot.    I continue to listen:

Dude: Hey man, last night at six there was some woman banging on the window.

Dude 2: Aw, man!  What did she want?

Dude: She was looking for  a cake.

Whoa!  Slow down.  She was looking for "a cake?"  That has to be some kind of slang I'm simply not familiar with.  It couldn't be an actual cake.  Could it?

Dude 2:    It was after closing.  What did you do?

Dude: I found her cake, dude! 

Dude 2: Did she pay for it?

Dude: I assume so.

Holy crap, do these guys work at a bakery?  That can't be.  Also, can I just bang on a door at a bakery after closing and get a cake simply by demanding one?  Why am I just finding this out?  Will they just assume I paid for it because I'm "looking for a cake?"

Dude 2: Was Jermaine freaking out?

Dude: No, dude.  I went through the paperwork and found the woman who supposedly paid for it, then I called her up and grilled her on the phone.  I asked her all kinds of questions until I knew it was her. And I told her, "Hey, we're not in the business of just handing out cakes after closing." 

Excellent.  The bakerjack is laying down the law as he simultaneously hands out delicious confections after closing to a complete stranger with no receipt.  Bravo.

Dude 2: What kind of cake was it.

Dude: Frozen cake.

Awesome.  The offhand and matter of fact way he said "frozen cake" was simply priceless.  At this point there was a brief pause followed by...

Dude: How's you mom?

Dude 2: She's protesting in Madison.

Yes.  Yes!  Of course she is!

Dude: Any developments there?

Dude 2: Won't be any developments over the weekend.

Dude: What's the governor say?

Dude 2: He says he won't even deal with them.

There was a long silence as the two bakerjacks contemplated the gravity of this situation.  A weight seemed to press down upon them as they realized that there were people going hungry, and they could not simply let them eat cake--frozen or otherwise.  This was a situation too complex to be solved with a little detective work and an over-the-phone grilling, no matter how freaked out Jermaine may get.  One of them had to speak...

Dude: What a dick.

Perfect.  Just perfect.

At this point, I stopped listening, as it couldn't possibly get any better.  I was Natalie Portman hitting the mattress in one perfect moment that could never be recaptured, so I might as well figuratively stab myself with a broken mirror.  This was my Swan Lake.