CalebMcEwen.com

Jon Gosselin, contemplating new and exciting ways of using the word "Bro."

In a move that shocked few, Jon Gosselin gave up his long fight against being a douche and accepted a lifetime of awkwardly riding motorcycles and dressing like a Real World cast reject.  Gosselin bravely faced his fate by changing his Facebook screen name to AsianRomeo69 and buying a gallon jug of hair gel at a local Sam's Club.   "It just seemed like it was time," stated Gosselin to a group of people who were not really listening.  "Sometimes you just gotta man up and roll with the punches, ya know what I'm sayin'?"  When asked if he expected any of his children to follow in his footsteps, Gosselin replied, "Children?"

Gosselin then announced more detailed plans to design a line of children's clothes for Ed Hardy and to fist bump frat boys at clubs while screaming "This is my jam!" over a thumping techno beat.  Kate Gosselin declined to comment...for the first time ever.