Madonna's DNA Spliced with Beef Jerky

Madonna, seen here moments before snapping the neck of a wildebeest.

Madonna appeared publicly to confirm that her DNA has been cut using a restriction enzyme and then bound to a strand of chromosones harvested from beef jerky.  Wearing an outfit designed to emphasive her ropy, striated physique, she strode confidently past reporters as men across the country were rendered impotent by the sight.  While some have speculated that previous boyfriend Alex Rodriguez may have turned the Queen of Pop on to anabolic steroids, only genetic mutation brought about by beef jerky recombinant gene experimentation could explain the leathery matron's appearance.  Many onlookers reported the faint scent of teriyaki as she passed.

When asked to explain her new look, Madonna replied, "I wanted to show the world what Dakota Fanning would look like if she had grown up fighting in a steel cage."  Fanning was unavailable for comment.