CalebMcEwen.com

I am currently trapped in New Jersey.  My flight is seriously delayed.  It is raining, which is apparently kryptonite to Delta Airlines. 

I have spent about the last twenty-four hours in New York City.  During that time a lot has happened. 

-  I said hello to Al Roker, who is much shorter than I expected.

-  I said hello to Meredith Vieira, who is much more leathery than I expected.

-  I saw Tina Fey, who was much more on the other side of a plate-glass window than I expected.

-  I met Denis Leary, who is much taller than I expected.

-  I met the Naked Cowboy, who was exactly as naked as I expected.

-  I was walking late at night near Times Square and came across a man using a payphone, which is a rare sight nowadays.  As I got closer I saw that the receiver was resting on the man's shoulder, and he was holding it in place with his ear.  I then heard the sound of running water.  At that point, I realized the guy was just pretending to make a call in order to cover the fact that he was publicly urinating on a phone.  The most disturbing part of all this is how smoothly and decisively he did this--as if it were act he was very, very familiar with.  Never, ever use a payphone.  Also, never, ever check the coin return slot for change (that was where he was aiming), because there is no amount of Purell that could possibly reverse those charges.

-  I had brief but interesting conversations with a Vietnam Vet, a pre-operative transexual, and a very angry man who had painted himself silver.

-  I saw a guy dressed as a chicken posing for pictures with what I believed to be someone dressed as an over-sexualized version of Laura Ingalls Wilder.

-  I came back to my hotel room to find a panicked housekeeper trying to find "where the burning smell was coming from."  Apparently, it was my room's heater.  The repairman reassured me it was fine.  Either he was able to instantly fix whatever problem was contributing to signs of combustion, or he simply made peace with my potential death. 

I may make it home tonight.  I may not.  This is my life. 

Never use a payphone.  Whether it's soaked in urine or Tyler Durden is on the other end of the line, it's just not worth the risk.

Good night from New Jersey.