Could We Possibly be More Unmotivated?
Sunday, July 29, 2007 at 9:49PM Today I saw an ad for a cracker that has a raised ridge around the outer edge. This ridge is to hold your dip or topping in place on top of the cracker--because this has apparently been a major failing of cracker technology up until this point.
The cracker company may not know this, but I have developed a product that renders this ridge obsolete. It's called "tilting your damn cracker."
How lazy have we become when we can't muster up the motivation to change our cracker angle five percent so the Cheez Whiz stays on top? HOW LAZY? Was it just too hard? Do our wrists no longer rotate? Are the physics just unrealistically complicated? Please. I can think of only one product that requires a reservoir tip, and it is not a cracker.
But why stop at this ridge? Why not make crackers that require even less effort to eat. My idea for the next stage of this product will blow your mind. Here it is: I'm going to invent crackers...that are already in your mouth.
BAM! Take that, America! Hasn't actually going to get the cracker always been the most labor intensive part of the experience? Not anymore!
My next project: liquid crackers--no more chewing. Now if I could just figure out a way to get past the swallowing...