CalebMcEwen.com

I have now watched the entire first seaon of the Sci-Fi Channel's Battlestar Galactica. For those of you who have not seen the show, it is the futuristic tale of the nearly decimated human race's struggle for survival against extermination at the hands of sexy, sexy robots. The 50,000 surviving members of humanity's twelve cononies escape to space in a makeshift fleet of ships, the center of which is the Battlestar Galactica.

The robots, called Cylons, look like humans. Some of them are programmed to think they are humans. They are all incredibly horny. It sounds like I'm making this up. I'm not. These are some kinky robots.

The opening credits assure us that the Cylons have a plan. This plan is apparently to kill off the humans by confusing them to death. I can't prove it, but I believe their plan was developed by the Cylon equivalents of the writing staff from Lost. They have many chances to blow up everyone, but they seem more interested in talking about God and playing mind games--like that girlfriend from your sophomore year of college. Apparently they're just not in a hurry.

One of the series' main characters is actually a Cylon that is being hallucinated by humanity's most brilliant remaining scientist. Even the hallucination is obsessed with sex, and the scientist is inclined to indulge that obsession. Yes, you're reading that correctly--a scientist repeatedly has sex with a hallucination of a robot. Think really hard about the Freudian implications of that little gem. Not only that, but other characters actually catch him in compromising positions with the imaginary robot, and no one seems too concerned. I guess when your species is almost completely destroyed, you're more inclined to let a little air-humping slide.

Edward James Olmos plays Commander Adama, who is defending the ragtag human fleet by mumbling mercilessly. Not since his portrayal of Castillo in Miami Vice has Olmos been so on TV. Olmos broods at a near Boreanaz level, and his tortured stoicism is inspiring in a dry and expressionless kind of way. Whether he is trying to maintain order within the fleet or maintain a civil relationship with his formerly estranged son, Olmos is relentlessly on screen.

The show's most impressive special effects are the incredible physiques of the future's co-ed military. Katie Sackhoff as the impetuous fighter pilot Starbuck walks the fine line between Maverick from Top Gun and that girl in pep club you had a crush on in seventh grade. She is rivaled by Grace Park as Boomer--a Cylon who doesn't know she is a Cylon--who offers Sackhoff a worthy opponent in Mountain Dew and Funyon fueled who-would-you-kick-out-of-bed internet debates across the country. On the other side of the coin, the unfortunatley named Jamie Bamber offers up man-candy for gay men everywhere as well the female set who finds Olmos too "exotic." It's a never ending parade of hotness constantly under attack by hot robots.

There are some gaping plot holes and incongruities in the series. However, one has to ask oneself, "If I can accept that the basic conceit of the series is that robots have found God and want to have sex all the time, should I really be questioning the accuracy of the plot's timeline?" Chances are if you're like me, you're tuning in because you like spaceships and explosions, and everything else is just incidental. Thus, you can even forgive the fact that the Cylons continuously waste opportunities to achieve their objectives in lieu of being sexy and mysterious. You can forgive the fact that the man described as the smartest human left alive continues to do some of the stupidest things imaginable. You can even forgive the fact that you can forgive the fact that a soldier is seemingly not bothered by the fact that his girlfriend keeps planting bombs in her sleep. Why? Because it's super cool, that's why.

There are some thinly veiled yet compelling parallels drawn to the current war on terror, but ultimately it's about spaceships and sexy, sexy robots trying to seduce sexy, sexy humans. Throw in the dad from Selena and President Stands With A Fist, and you've got some damn fine sci-fi. I highly recommend it.