Post Superbowl Post

Hello, all. I apologize for the delay in writing, which is egotistical in that it assumes you have an emotional investment in my blog, and I know you have better things to do with your time...hopefully.

At any rate, I've been all over the place. I just got back from Phoenix, which resembles the surface of the sun much less in February than it does in the summer.

I know it's late, but I'm going to spout off needlessly about the Superbowl for a little while. Here we go...

1. Whoever organizes the pre-game on field events should be forced to eat his own head.

Seriously, football and Cirque de Soleil go together about as well as Nitro-burning funny cars and Truman Capote. If I wanted to see a guy on stilts dressed up like an ostrich-riding referee, I would huff glue and hit my head against a wall like everybody else.

Also, nothing says "football" like Gloria Estefan. Up until now, I hadn't been glad she was in a bus accident. Things change.

2. Peyton Manning has s forehead like the bumper of a Chevy.

With all the endorsements he's done, I'm shocked he hasn't rented out some of the space on that majestic melon of his to GoldenPalace.com. Seriously, there was a period of time when his forehead was used to separate East and West Berlin. He has a real problem with people spray paint graffiti on it.

3. Make no mistake about it, no one had a worse day on Superbowl Sunday than Eli Manning.

When Eli dies and goes to hell, he will sigh and say, "Well at least it isn't as bad as watching Peyton win the Superbowl MVP."

4. Al Qaeda was able to launch its most devastating attack on America to date.

I am of course referring to the Salesgenie commercial. I don't know how they can sleep at night after inflicting that kind of horror on our nation's children.

5. Prince is so tiny, for two quarters I thought he was the ball.

It would have explained why Grossman could couldn't hang on to it. He should have purified himself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka.

6. Yes, comedic violence is a trend in advertising.

And I'm totally okay with that. The American economy was built on the ability of beer companies to sell fermented wheat, barley and hops using the completely unrelated imagery of a dude getting wanged in the jubes.

Incidentally, I am copyrighting the phrase "wanged in the jubes." It's gonna be the next "don't go there."

7. If Peyton Manning was the MVP of that game, then the laws of nature have ceased to have meaning and lemurs and antelope will soon mate to create the first lemelope.

Come on! Addai owned that trophy! I realize it would have looked weird in his house because Peyton Manning's name had already been engraved on it two weeks ago, but he could have put a piece of tape over it and written his name on it. That's what Sharpies were invented for.

Incidentally, the lemelope would be awesome!