Movies I'd Like to See, Part II

Time for the second installment...

1. In a world that's running out of time, "speed" is the answer to the question, "What is faster than slow?" But even speed isn't fast enough to keep up with Barry, until Einstein's theory of relativity shows him that infinite mass isn't nearly as heavy as a man's love...for his dachshund.

2. She was a beauty school dropout with dreams of freedom for the oppressed people of Tibet. He was an evolutionary anomaly who liked pie. Together, they'll give the Chinese military all they can handle in...Betty and the Yeti.

3. Sometimes winning isn't everything. That's good news for Stan, whose dream is to become the world's first quadriplegic professional boxer. He'll show the world that he's got a lousy left hook, but that doesn't matter when he's punching...from the heart. Ed Norton, Jeremy Irons, and Roy Jones Jr. in...Down for the Count. In this fight, there are no standing eight counts.

4. It was a dark time. A time of sorcery. A time of warriors. A time of dragons. A time of...goats. Yeah! Goats! Big, mean goats--and a cow! No, wait...two cows. And frogs that exploded. It was awesome! And then there was a fight with this one hot chick and this guy had this thing that was all like, "Bwwwweeeeeeeeeaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmm! Pshew! Pshew!" Like a laser--only magic. And there was that one guy who was trying to stop him, but he had this secret about this one thing that had happened to him a long time ago. Aw man, it was friggin' sweet! You should totally see it. Also, there was an elf.

5. She was an unattainably hot chick. He was an overweight slob with a great personality and a heart of gold. Somehow they're going to hook up, even though it would unravel the fabric of reality if it ever happened in real life. This summer, Kevin James will show Famke Janssen that sometimes it's okay to...Settle.