My Trip to Breast Feeding Class

My wife Katy and I are expecting our first child in August. Last night, we went to a class on breast feeding.

As I have stated many times before, being in comedy has ruined me for these types of functions, and indeed life in general.

Here are some questions I had to stop myself from asking:

When we were given a teddy bear to practice nursing positions...

"Should I be concerned if our baby doesn't have this much hair?"

When they were encouraging us to persist even if we encounter difficulties...

"At what point does failure become the baby's fault?"

When the competitively maternal hippie dude behind me kept complaining that the women in the instructional video were "doing it wrong"...

"Is it true that patchouli can cause infant brain damage?"

When the instructors spent more than an hour explaining why we should breast feed...

"Is it really necessary to sell us on breast feeding when we have all chosen to take--and paid for--a breast feeding class? Isn't that a good indicator that we intend to try breast feeding? Are you worried that we're going to drop out before completing the two and a half course? I'm willing to make a pledge of commitment if you're willing to move on to actual instruction."

Luckily, I was able to hold my tongue.

My favorite part of the evening had to be when we were given a brief break, and the instructors put on a CD of what could best be described as French circus music. It was one of the more surreal moments of the evening. It couldn't have been weirder if they had started playing Gin and Juice.