Chupacabra

"Chupacabra" is an incredible word. It makes me think of so many things.

It sounds a lot like my favorite sports name ever--Zarko Cabarkapa. Zarko is Serbian. Serbians are known for their strong baksetball fundamentals...and genocide. I do not believe Zarko will suck your blood like a chupacabra. He'll just moderately out-rebound you, then break his own wrist until you beg for mercy. Nevertheless, he is a warrior. Unfortunately, he is a Golden State Warrior.

"Chupacabra" also makes me think of the Choco-Taco. A Choco-Taco willl not suck your blood, either. However, it will kill you...slowly. It can kill you quickly as well--if someone stabs you with one. Also, you could choke.

"Chupacabra" sometimes makes me think of Chautauqua. Of course, the Chautaqua circuit died out with the Great Depression. The chupacabra was hibernating during the Great Depression, and thus survived where the Chautauqua got totally Darwinated. Thus, the chupacabra is superior to the Chautauqua--though both are culturally relevant in their own eras and indigenous locales. Incidentally, I have copyrighted the word "Darwinated". If you use it, you must send me five dollars.

"Chupacabra" also reminds me of the candelabra. I think Liberace's performances would have been much more interesting if his piano was adorned with a chupacabra instead of his trademark candelabra. If he could somehow train the chupacabra to hold the candles--bonus! That's a show I'd pay serious jing to see. Man. Piano. Fire. Blood-Monkey. It sells itself. Throw in the homo-erotic overtones and you've got an Oscar contender.

"Chupacabra" makes me think of "chop a Cobra". I'm fairly certain I'm the only one who experiences this. Most of you probably think of this kind of "chop a cobra". I think mine is better. Yours is mean.

After this weekend, "chupacabra" will probably make many people think of this. A chupacabra would never wear tights. It would also not play the cymbals or dance while an Italian man cranked out music. The chupacabra has integrity...the integrity of viciousness.

Yes, "chupacabra" is a wonderful word. Enjoy it. Try to insert it into casual conversation at least once a day. But, most of all, Merry Chupacabra!

NOTE: This is, quite obviously, one of the most random things I've written in recent memory. This is the type of thing that is going on in my brain all the time. I can't stop it. I swear, I am listening to you when you talk to me, it's just that this is going on in the background. It's like a TV that's on in the other room--you can hear it and it's not your primary focus, but you still pick up bits and pieces of Veronica Mars. Welcome to my world.

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