The Tony Awards

It's official. The only thing less original than Hollywood is Broadway.

Is there any wonder that live theatre is in a downward spiral when theatrical producers are literally digging up dead shows out of their graves to do them once again? Is America capable of writing enough new musicals that we can go through a whole year without doing eight Sondheim revivals? Can Broadway actually support a show that doesn't feature a washed-up television actor?

Broadway is so desperate for material that it's actually reviving shows that flopped.

Broadway is so desperate for stars that Neil Patrick Harris is the Mac Daddy Pimp of The Great White Way.

Broadway is so desperate for validation in the eyes of America, that the only presenters they'll use are actors who are known more for their work on television and the silver screen.

Broadway is so desperate for an author that Brecht is still considered shocking.

The sense of desperation is so thick that I've never seen so much acting per square inch--and I'm talking about the acceptance speeches. It's sad.

Here are some of the original ideas on Broadway right now:

The Wedding Singer,
The Lion King,
Threepenny Opera,
Sweeney Todd,
Spamalot,
The Color Purple,
Dirty Rotten Scoundrels,
The History Boys (Transplanted from London),
Tarzan,
Mamma Mia,
The Pajama Game,
The Producers,
42nd Street...

and A Chorus Line is coming back! Hooray!

Way to go, Broadway! Way to encourage cutting edge, groundbreaking, and artistically challenging material.

Even new shows are just repackaging old material. Jersey Boys is just an excuse to sing Frankie Vallie and The Four Seasons tunes with new orchestral arrangements. As my wife said, "There has never been a show more blatantly designed to be performed at dinner theatre. Guys who sing falsetto across the country are freaking out about the chance to belt out Big Girls Don't Cry to old people eating meatloaf."

Half of the winners are British. So much for the American Theatre Wing.

The guy from The Phantom of the Opera forgot the words to the song he's sung 14,000 times. Luckily, no one will know it was him--he was wearing a mask. Well, half a mask.

By the way, whoever writes the copy for the presenters needs to be brutally violated by syphilitic pirates. Trust me, it wouldn't be as bad as having to listen to the horrific jokes the audience has been subjected to all evening.

Also, I have never heard so many speakers use the phrase "you people" so many times in one evening. This wouldn't be tolerated at the NAACP Image Awards.