Orlando and...Another Fire! Come On!

So, I'm back in Orlando. If you read my blog, you would know that on a recent trip to Orlando, my hotel caught fire. I was forced to evacuate along with all the other guests. When I returned to my room, I found that my balcony had burned, sustaining perhaps the worst damage of any of the guest rooms.

Well, I'm staying in the same hotel, and this time there was a massive brush fire surrounding the property. It actually made CNN. I give up.

I was working on my computer in my room when one of my travelling companions--who was with me in the last fire--called me on my cellular telephone. He said, "There's a massive brush fire all around the hotel. Check it out." I thought he was joking. He assured me he was not. I opened the drapes and looked out the window, and I was greeted by flaming ash and debris smacking against the glass. There were helicopters everywhere. Hundred-foot flames flamed. There was charred, palm tree carnage. A hotel next to ours was forced to evacuate. The pool was full of ash. Many people had to stop tanning. It was ridiculous.

I have determined that whenever I come to Orlando, I open a portal to hell. Here are events that occurred during my last five trips to Orlando:

1. On this trip, I was witness to a massive brush fire that made the national news by threatening my hotel and others.

2. On my last trip, my hotel caught fire and my room's balcony was badly burned. I was relocated.

3. On my trip before that, Hurricane Ivan hit.

4. On my trip before that, the U.S. issued its ultimatum to Saddam Hussein, and he missed his deadline. Thus, we started our campaign against Iraq.

5. On my trip before that...well, it was 9/11. You know the rest. "The happiest place on earth" is much less happy when our nation is under the worst terrorist attack in its history and you find out while you're riding The Tower of Terror. (Yes, I'm serious. It will be the subject of another post.)

I have concluded that if I were to come back to Orlando, Fenris the Wolf would devour the sun, and the world would be plunged into Ragnarok. It's hard to enjoy Central Florida during Ragnarok.

Now is the time to exhibit some social responsibility, people. I have the power to destroy the world simply by vacationing or taking additional work in O-town. I must be stopped. Send me your donations, and I will consider sparing humanity. You owe it to your children to give me as much money as you can spare, otherwise I will return to The Magic Kingdom, and the sky will rain flaming weasels. Day will turn to night. Up will be down. Weezer will be Lita Ford. I will vacation doom upon humanity.

Think about it. Think hard.