Thoughts from the Road

I'm in Ohio. I was in Missouri. In Missouri I heard a man in a Pizza Hut proclaim to his assembled family that he had to shoot the possum in the "ear hole" because, and I quote, "that was the only part of the damn thing I could see!" This is only the third time I have heard someone say this in a Pizza Hut. Incidentally, I agree with the man that his neighbor shouldn't have been mad at him, even though the shot put his neighbor's family in jeopardy. When you're tagging a possum, you take the first good shot you get. This one just happened to be through the ear hole. In truth, it was his neighbor's fault for parking his trailer there. For those of you who know me, remember that this is where I'm from.

I also saw a Taco Bell with one of those moveable letter signs out front that read "Try a Number 2 with a Diet Pepsi". Given their recent ecoli issues, trying a Number 2 may be involuntary. I hypothesized to my wife that maybe the sign was a joke. She replied, "That's some pretty next level stuff for a Taco Bell staff." As always, she is the voice of reason.

Last night I watched Showbiz Tonight on CNN, which, admittedly, is my own fault. They proclaimed that they've "had it" with overly thin celebs like Nicole Richie and Kate Bosworth--whom I was not aware was a celebrity. Instead, they want to champion celebrities that present a "more attainable" body image to young girls. Celebrities like...Jessica Simpson.

Jessica Simpson? This is the "more attainable" body image that girls should be shooting for? Jessica Simpson looks like something that was assembled by a committee of frat boys. She's not even human. She's like something culled from the repressed subconscious of adolescent boys everywhere--a sort of sexual Wikipedia entry. All I can say is, if Jessica Simpson is the attainable body image, then the women of America just aren't working hard enough.

Gerald Ford died. Many will remember him as bumbling fool. I will remember him as a successful male model and Green Bay Packers draft pick. Don't believe me? Google it.

James Brown died. Many will remember him as the Godfather of Soul. I will remember him as Nikita Kruschev's confidant and the pioneering visionary that founded the Human Genome Project. Don't believe me? Google it.

Happy New Year, everyone. It's going to be an incredible 365 days. Trust me. When have I ever lied to you?

Once again, anyone who knows me...